I have diabetes. My day to day experience and various challenges are not exactly the same, much less the way we deal with things. Politically we all share different opinions. Everyone’s fashion style is different. You can cover so many topics with your blog – I love it. It’s freeing.

Blogging is also educational. You get to learn things from people, different perspectives. Friends with whom you’ve lost touch can be reconnected.

It’s a beautiful thing. It should be embraced.

When things are uncertain you are most certainly in for a surprise at some point.  You don’t know how the future is going to turn out.  The future can include tomorrow, 2 weeks, 6 months, 2 years, 20 years downt the road.  I know that in 2 hours I am going to be working…but I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen between now and then…or even what will happen at work.  If we knew everything about how things would go, we would get bored…at least I would.

Don’t get me wrong…I’d LOVE to know when I’m going to get married, when I’ll no longer feel like I’m insane, when I’ll be able to move out, when I’ll have a new job, when/if I’ll have kids, what I’ll be doing in 5 years, what it takes for me to not only love myself but love others too…the list could carry on forever.  But, life IS an adventure.  If you know everything about the path you’re taking, you’re not going to have much of an adventure.  Life consists of so many variables.  People are ever changing, the world is ever changing…so I don’t even think it’s possible for anyone to know what 20 years into the future looks like.  Of course we can make guesses and give ourselves goals and work towards obtaining our goals…but you never can be 100% certain.

Uncertainty is frustrating.  It means you’re not in complete control.  But uncertainty is one of those things that seems like a “neccesary evil,” but I think it’s one of life’s gifts to us.  Sometimes uncertainty can motivate you to work harder for your goals.  Sometimes uncertainty can break your heart.  But, according to everyone I’ve spoken to recently, it’s worth it to go forward with something that you’re not entirely certain about.  I don’t always buy it, but I just keep telling myself that it’s okay to not know.

Sadly, there’s no particular reason or catalyst for my current mood.  Which…if you know me…is rather frustrating.  I like to identify the problem and forge forward with a solution.  If I don’t know the problem, I can’t have a solution.  Well, I do know the problem…I have all these feelings and emotions and I don’t know how to feel about them or react or process them.  It’s too overwhelming to process them, I feel like.  So, they’re continuing to intertwine and build and bother me more.  But, being that my current “self-improvement” goal is to be more in touch with my feelings and more open about them…shutting them out or ignoring or “getting rid” of them doesn’t seem like a wise decision.  Ugh.

Yellow is not a color that everyone can pull off.  But, it’s a color that everyone can incorporate into their outfits.

Why do I like yellow so much?  Primarily because it’s such a cheerful and bright color.  Partially because yellow isn’t a color that people frequently list as their favorite…I wouldn’t consider it a “popular” color.  It’s not a color you see overwhelmingly on clothing racks at department stores.  The third reason I like yellow is because it isn’t overwhelmingly girly, men can wear yellow too.

I have a yellow room and a few yellow tops, but not nearly as many as I’d like.  Sadly, as a blonde, I can only carry yellow well when I have a tan…which is less than frequently.  I’ll be a brunette for a few more days, so I will enjoy my ability to wear yellow until then.  I do love yellow…but not enough to stay a brunette.  And, as a goal this summer, I’d like to acquire a tan, so hopefully I can pull off yellow soon.

Top 3 Reasons Why Whole Foods is AWESOME:

#1 – You can usually find organic products, but even the inorganic produce is usually locally sourced, or you know where it’s from.  You can trust their quality.

#2 – If you don’t have time/motivation to cook, they have a great selection for almost any craving of prepared…mostly healthy foods.

#3 – You can find the most unusual products that are incredibly healthy but aren’t part of a fad yet.  (Omega-3 mayonnaise…it’s awesome!)

I frequently stop at Whole Foods on my way to work, or from work, or to the dr’s office, or from the gym.  Pretty much any time I know I won’t be home for a meal and haven’t had enough time to prepare food (which happens more than I’d like).  To be honest my selections aren’t always the healthiest calorically balanced food choices, but I rest somewhat easier knowing that the food is high quality.

A few of my favorite choices:

Macaroni and Cheese – Oh my gosh!! Incredible!

Sandwiches – The meats either use no or low levels of salt and other preservatives

Chicken Noodle Soup – Before they changed the recipe, it was incredible

Corn Bread – Not a meal, but divine!

Muffins – Tasty on occasion.

Oatmeal w/o Sugar – The BEST!

Salad Bar – Super good choices for a salad…spinach, yum!

Prepared Fresh Fruit – A fantastic Summer choice, nice, refreshing, and delicious!

Next I’d like to try the plain hummus with some flat bread.  In the Summer, particularly, I don’t like heavy food.  I haven’t found a good hummus and pita place here in CA, so I’ll give Whole Foods a shot.

The saddest part, and only thing I don’t love, about Whole Foods is their prices.  But if you shop smartly, you don’t have to spend a ton.  Sometimes they have good sales, and sometimes you just have to hunt for what they do have at lower costs.  Some of the fresh fruit I get as a meal is under $4, which isn’t bad for a meal that requires no prep time.

AND Whole Foods definitely beats Trader Joe’s out.  Don’t get me wrong, I love TJ’s, but they just don’t match up to the quality and healthiness of Whole Foods.  When you shop at TJ’s and just assume what you’ve purchased is healthy, there’s a big chance you’re wrong.  When you shop at Whole Foods and assume what you’ve purchased is healthy, it’s more likely to be healthy.

1-They have more passion for what they do than most

2-They’re willing to endanger their own well being in order to help another

3-They work tireless hours to get to a point where they can even start to battle the flames

4-They work long, exhausting hours to help innocent people…even some guilty people

If you ask a fireman about fire you are sure to get a response.  They get a twinkle in their eye (I’m dead serious), you see a spark in their personality, and even the most quiet of men will be sure to have something to say.

My grandfather was a fireman, I have always been very proud of his career.  He was the youngest chief in the state of California when he became Hillsborough’s fire chief, at age 28.  By the time I was born he had retired from the department, but the smoke never left him.  Some of his surviving firemen have said that he lived and breathed smoke.  He did, I know it.  As a little girl I would sit with him and listen to his fire radio.  He would hear all the fires being announced, at my young age I did not grasp what was being said or done, but I always knew he loved whatever was going on with that radio.  My grandfather was not an expressive man, he rarely shared his emotions (well, snapping at people maybe), but you always saw a twinkle in his eye and a spark anytime fire was mentioned.  I don’t think he knew how to be anything but a fireman.  Of course he was a husband, father, grandfather, school bus driver, and friend and mentor to many; but fire was his passion.  He would not have been happy in any other profession.

Tonight at work, at 24 Hour Fitness, I saw a guy I have seen on a number of ocassions.  He always wears a fire academy shirt.  When I saw him tonight I inquired about his fire academy experience.  He said he had finished the academy at a local community college.  I very briefly told him about my grandfather.  This guy’s eyes lit up and he wanted to know more about my grandfather than I knew how to answer.

Firemen love fire.  They have found a great passion in their life.  It’s inspiring.  Have you found your passion?  I can easily say I do not love anything as much as I know my grandfather loved fire.

I am damaged, I am not happy about being damaged and am working on changing that, but damaged women are survivors.  As cliche’ as that sounds, it is true.  Women who are are damaged force themselves to go out and face the day and try to portray some level of normality.  They have to work harder than most to face the screwed up world.  Damaged women should be looked up to and recognized for their strength.  Yes, those who are damaged are more apt to do dumb things and maybe not respond properly or acceptably to situations.  But, they’re doing their best.  They trust their best, they continue to take risks, they live their life.

Damage can be caused by so many different life events.  Abusive (physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally, etc) childhoods or relationships, the loss of a love (romantic or family), the absence of an important figure in your life…any event that has the potential to change your life has the potential to damage you.

Women who come from a damaged background should be regarded with respect.  I would venture to say that every woman has her share of damage, some more than most.  Not everyone takes all the right risks or trusts all the right times…usually the opposite of that…but they keep trying.  It takes a long time to overcome damage and baggage, some I assume will last forever and some may be easily resolved.  And of course, as each person is an individual, the time it takes to work through issues varies.

My point, really, is that women who have been severely hurt and are still trying to function should not be discarded into the “too bad she’s THAT way” pile of undatable women.  In fact, in the long run, women who are making decisions to work through their issues may in fact be a great choice to date, maybe you’ll need a bit more patience (speaking from experience that’s very likely), but overall I’m sure it will be worthwhile.  A woman with damage has a story, usually somewhat sad and somewhat tragic…but as a firm believer in the saying, “What doesn’t kill you just makes you stronger,” these women should be regarded as strong, beautiful, complex, deep women.  There’s more to her than meets the eye.

(I apologize for all the cliche’ quotes, but I feel they fit well)

Damaged women are beautiful, perhaps not on the surface…or maybe they are, they’ve overcome adversity and functioned in society.  They deserve patience, respect, and love…chances are they haven’t received nearly enough of it throughout their life.